Learning to love a lover wasn’t very different from loving my parents.
Both too close, too emotional, too intimate, too messy.
Today my aunt asked me to change my home address from India to New Jersey on my resume for a job at Chipotle.
My cousin said, “My appetite after coming to USA has increased. I can finish an entire rice bowl at Chipotle.”
Assimilation has varied forms.
Being alone has a very negative connotation to it. Till recently, I viewed being alone as something lonely, something scary. I was out alone in the world, with no one to turn to, with no one to guide me. What I didn’t realize what that for the first time in my life, I had no one making decisions for me. I was free to craft my own circumstances, my own life, and my own identity. I could be whoever and whatever I wanted to be. This got me thinking and I realized we fear change, we fear this aloneness, when our supports are withdrawn. We feel crippled. We no longer have our supports enslaving us; we are free. We resist freedom not enslavement. Enslavement is comfortable, it is something we know. It has the scent of familiarity.
I was talking to a friend about the difficult and challenging experience of living abroad and he told me, “I understand you’re lonely there. I wouldn’t be able to live there. I surrounded by people here, yet I feel lonely. I guess I am addicted to the loneliness among people I know.” This showed me we are weak, vulnerable creatures willing to cling to the first semblance of enslavement because the new scares us. It holds no promises. It shines in the bleak horizon of uncertainty. We fear the new, we fear new creation. We had rather cling to the old than build something new.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
– Marianne Williamson