I’m failing


I’m failing. Miserably and inconsolably.

I look into the open fields and I see the vast blue skies spanning miles and miles across. The empty stretch of grassland does no good as scorned and humbled I walk, across the lonely roads.

Ten miles before and ten miles after, there isn’t a soul in sight.

I look towards the scattered robins and try to feel the life energy pulsating through them. I can’t.

I walk across the curb and I see the moss growing out of the half frozen sewage.

My hands start numbing and my skin prickles with the gradual chill of wind. I push my hands inside my pockets for warmth. I feel cold.

I look around once again. I am in an alien land, with alien houses, alien people and alien birds. There is something highly unsettling about this unfamiliarity. Something almost terrifying about not knowing, not being able to find my way around. I guess maybe I am the alien here.

I wonder if everyone around feels the same way. I stare at the people in cars passing by.

I pick up a pine cone on the way home. I cross the pedestrian bridge and see the sun shining through the winter clouds.

My silhouette reflects with the trees swaying along the river bank. I watch the beaver and ducks waddling across the pool without a worry in mind. I wonder if I could be like that and try to push out all thoughts from my mind.

I fail.

4 thoughts on “I’m failing

  1. took u a pretty long to come up with these one … lost no touch whatsoever .. that sense of originality of thoughts that comes from truly ur own experiences and contemplation can be felt …. always in lookout for your posts …

    • haha sorry for the delay. I have my…phases 😛
      Sometimes, I just don’t or can’t write. This one was an attempt to restart.
      I am so glad that inspite of my moods and erratically fluctuating writing, you still liked this post. Thank you 😀

  2. Brilliantly written. I can actually imagine your state of mind in an foreign land, in a cold city away from the evident warmth of India. At times like these, when you are at a place that doesn’t reflect the person you are, you get to know yourself more deeply. 🙂

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