I am beautiful

I am 4’10 and I struggle with image issues everyday. My body slants in different ways and my belly is not concave. No matter what I do, I always look different. I think different, I act different. I cannot go on a diet and I am too lazy to exercise. I have an average complexion and I bite my nails. I don’t look good in all pictures. No one has ever accused me of being gorgeous.

I love eating junk food and I love playing with my brother. I am maniacal. I am egoistical and stubborn. I am overly sensitive and stupid at times and at others, I am cranky and depressed.

I have a select group of friends. I cannot lie to them. I fall in love too easily and I think too much. Fashion and stilettos don’t interest me. I don’t style my hair and I wear loose clothes. I think beer is bitter and smoking is stupid. I take time to trust and have trouble letting go. I fail to do things to the best of my ability. I feel lonely too often. I question myself and my role everyday.

I get annoyed too quickly and I get mood swings. I have trouble controlling my anger and I cannot sugar coat my words. I isolate myself and I hurt those close to me. I cry out of want for sympathy and I act out of selfish reasons.I put on a mask in front of people. I pretend, I lie and I cheat.

But there is one in front of whom I am stripped of all desires, beliefs and pretense. I am naked in front of one. I feel that one creeping back to me every night whispering things I don’t want to hear, showing images I don’t want to see. Often times I have buried my head in the pillow and cried till my tears have dried. I have tried to ignore, suppress and repress that voice but no matter how hard I try, it returns whispering things like, “You are beautiful.”

I know this voice is mine and I cannot drown it out. No mask or fake smile survives its blatant honesty. So I look into the mirror and I try to believe what it says. And this time, I see a pair of black almond shaped eyes, a perfect small nose and full lips staring back at me. I see a girl’s small rotund face breaking into a smile. Her smile reaches her eyes, filling the room with warmth and sunshine. And she smiles wider this time, because she knows she is beautiful.

I may not have the skinniest waist or the best complexion; I may not have the right words or the right means to make a mark on this earth; I may not have the perfect body or the greatest talent, but I do have a kind heart.

I can provide a shoulder to cry on. I am overly sensitive and I pick up on emotion and intention easily. I see beauty everywhere: in the birds, the bees and the trees. I think people are wonderful. I see stories in random things, from a crack in a wall to a rat in a run down house. I find meaning in meaningless things.

By seeing beauty even in unlikely places, I am able to see to see the beauty in me. By seeing the beauty in me, I can’t help but smile. And when I smile:

I am beautiful.

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55 thoughts on “I am beautiful

  1. WOW!! 🙂
    These are exactly the same things I have been goin thru…although they hv reduced a lot wid time…and I hv been coming to a similar conclusion…
    nicely summarized.. 🙂

    • Often times, we find in another’s words something that we have been trying to find in us and we realize
      “Such experience—such knowledge from within—makes us feel that we are not alone in our flawed humanity.” ~ Margaret Atwood

  2. Yes! Indeed you are. And writing again, too – which will make others smile – at the quality of your writing and the depth of your honesty. Keep listening to that inner voice 🙂 She’s right.

  3. Wish to know more about a person who thinks so much like me…Or may be everyone is like this but its more important for us. The only difference is that I wouldn’t express it so beautifully and openly as you’ve done….

    • Thanks a ton!!! I see myself being reflected everywhere and I realize that we all are same 🙂
      This blog post was also an effort to encourage people to speak up and embrace their good and bad sides.

  4. I absolutely loved it! And the way it ends, it leaves you with a smile. All of us act strong and brave. But it takes a lot of courage to show you’re vulnerability. 🙂
    The wiritng absolutely flows, creating a veryu vivid image of despair at first and then washes you over with its beauty.
    All in all, You are beautiful and so is the post! 😀 Great job. This is getting reblogged! 😀

  5. I think you’re gorgeous and of course, beautiful. I didn’t understand very well the 4’10 thing because here in Spain the measures are different. I’d love to meet you someday Ria, I feel like you and I are soul mates! I’m always thinking about how I look, what they think about me, I wish I have her legs, I think. But you know what? everyday I care less about my insecurity because I’m beautiful in every single way (like the song) and unique! That’s the beauty of the life, we’re all unique and special and it’s wonderful to see that beauty everywhere you go.
    Don’t forget there are a lot of people like you out there and care about those who love you, they will always love you. ♥

    • I feel the same way! We should definitely meet! And trust me when I say you are gorgeous as well…’cause you are 🙂 Inside out 😀
      And I guess I don’t understand the measurement in Spain but I can tell You this that I am not really tall 😛
      I love that song too! It is soo inspiring! 😀
      I am soo glad to know that there are people out there who care for me and trust and believe in me 😀
      Thank you 😀

  6. “Her smile reaches her eyes, filling the room with warmth and sunshine. And she smiles wider this time, because she knows she is beautiful.”
    amazing lines and BTW FYI you look Pretty.

  7. First, I don’t think, of course, that you aren’t pretty. I think you already know from all these comments that that’s not an isolated opinion. I saw your picture before I even started reading whatever this was about, and I thought, pretty.
    Which is not a good thing.
    Completely in tune with what you said in the post, I had already evaluated you, even before I knew anything about what kind of person you are. And my first evaluation, my only evaluation, was that you’re pretty.
    Please don’t be so glad to know that people think you’re pretty. What if you really weren’t? Would your thoughts, your words, be any less important? Why would you let that matter? Why do we let it matter? Why, at the end of this post in which you put forth so well the plasticity of the media-manufactured beauty, must the focus be on letting you know that you’re pretty? I hope you understand what I am trying to say here.
    So let me tell you something else. That was very well written. There is a tendency in prose of this kind to make it the slightest bit over the top, the slightest excess of emo. From a writing point of view, I want to tell you that I think you’ve succeeded. You write well.
    I plan to write a lashing post on how beauty is being defined and marketed by the media today, and how increasingly blunt, crass, and plain wrong that’s getting every day. Maybe you can come over to my blog then and leave some thoughts; I’d love to know.

    • Haha you flatter me 😛
      But I completely agree with you..more than the post it was shocking to read the comments that came along..and I realized almost every single person feels that way.
      Thank you soo much 😀

    • And writing is a medium through which i deal with my emotions..I don’t really put a lot of thought into it..I let it go along with the flow…And I keep myself open to any kind of criticism and yes, I know I placed too much emphasis on the plastic manufactured beauty, but I worry less and less about it now. 🙂 And yes, I completely understand what you are trying to get across here.
      And yes, I would be glad to stop by your blog 🙂

  8. You’ve grown more beautiful each passing day since I’ve known you…. last fifteen days ? One’s beauty lies within and the face is just a mirror of that beautiful you. Strength of character and determination to remain righteous and good are some of the few qualities which will see you through.

    • I am so touched by your kind words. You have really inspired me to be myself after talking to me that day. And yes, the face is a mere reflection of a beautiful soul 🙂
      Thank you so so much for stopping by! 🙂

  9. Okay firstly I must say Well Written 😀
    And yes YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL 😀
    Just keep listening to that inner voice, its the best guide 🙂

  10. Pingback: HOLY, HOLY, HOLY | Simon Marsh

  11. this is a brilliant post! you are a talented writer and i look forward to reading more of your posts, i shall keep this wisdom you have written to show to my daughters you have written a most valuable and important and excellent piece, stay strong and keep believing in yourself,
    have an excellent day
    xx

  12. An interesting post and accurate description of what our ego does when it believes our physical body is a part of who we are when in reality it is merely an organism made up of a specific combination of cells to produce what we mistakenly think is who we are. We are not our bodies, nor are we our appearance. When all else falls away, when all decays and dies, ask yourself, what is left? This is who you truly are!

    http://www.thejoejacksonfoundationforhumanity.org/

    • ah I see where you are getting with this! Thank you so much for the wonderful insight!
      each day, I meditate upon the true nature of my existence..And the answers that come along are simply astounding! 😀

  13. A beautiful post to start experiencing your blog with.I believe it’s just a matter of perspective.When we stop looking at ourselves from other’s eyes, from a distance, and when we start looking at our selves with our own inner eye, EVERYONE REALIZES THE BEAUTY WITHIN.
    Every inner eye speaks the truth, because it is able to find beauty even in the deepest depths of ugliness.
    Everyone of us has beauty within, because God never let’s us kill it.That is why He gives us many chances to improve.

    P.S:You are charming, pretty and have a wonderful personality!Don’t ever kill the goodness within because it is the beauty that shines on your face!:)

    • I have been thinking about this inner light since a couple of days. I sort of forgot to follow it because I kept viewing myself with other’s eyes. But a friends pointed out to me that I needed to view myself from my own inner eye and walk ahead 🙂 And you reminded me of just that 😀 Thank you so much for your beautiful words! xoxoxo

  14. You knocked off my schedule completely for today 🙂 A part of blame to me as well since nothing can do that except a fantastic blog….. 69 “I” in 585 word blog and I don’t think you’d be done yet…. But lovely and inspiring (including the David Roche video) blog. A few more million girls like you and Fair & Lovely will be out of business in India.
    Humans, by nature, are watchful of their appearance but what is important is to not judge people only by that. Appearance is not just for yourself but it also shows how much you care about how people should treat you. The challenge is not to get carried away on the second part.
    And I accuse you of being gorgeous….. you are good the way you are.. khaao peeo mast raho!!!

    • Hahaha Thanks a million for your encouraging words! I am quite flattered by your comments 😀
      It is true that we are in a way predisposed to be wary of our appearances, but we need to know that true beauty shines from within 🙂
      Thank you again for stopping by!

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