There are some weird things I do. And a post like this is testimony to this fact. I have a habit of complimenting my acquaintances. I don’t know why, but the kindness and randomness of strangers overwhelms me and makes me feel something that I haven’t felt in ages: love.
Since a long, long time, I have felt a gnawing at my heart. It isn’t the melodramatic hole in the heart earth shattering gnawing. It is more like an inward coil… a constraint…that pulls me back from enjoyment and glee.
That constricting feeling is still there in my heart. Maybe because I am afraid that if I let go, I will fall into nothingness. Although lately, I have started to unclench. I have let myself be beaten and bruised. I have let myself feel alone and unloved. I have let myself be hurt and terrified. And I have let myself fail.
I repeat these words and feelings over and over again, and might do so again. I know some of these words hold no meaning at all and some speak mountains about my faith. But isn’t that why we all write, draw, sing or create? It is to bring forth the happenings of the world and life and the sweet spot that rests in between. We bring it forth in different shades, in different strokes and in different words. It is in this sweet spot that even the most revolting sight can evoke wonder and the most breathtaking sight can evoke apathy. It is in knowing this sweet spot as your face to the world and as your personal haven to your inner being. The inner being that craves to be a child again. The being that wishes for magic and fairy tales. The being longs to be cradled and loved.
It is in each one of us. It maybe repressed, suppressed, forgotten or ignored, but present and breathing like a living creature. It speaks and understands only one language, one word and one emotion: love. And it is with this unconditional and irrevocable love that I write this post to all of you.
I realize that I can’t be so cynical anymore. If there is one thing that I can do, it is to give. Give my love and joy with hugs and smiles. And with each smile that I give, the gnawing at my heart gradually starts to lessen.
Life isn’t all harsh on me these days. Nor is it all sunshine and daisies. But I have chosen to love everything and anything in its total form and way. As I let this love grow, the grass seems greener, the stars shine brighter and the sorrow seems lighter.
There are many things that I have come to know and understand. I have come to know that there is a wonderful world out there. A world of love and abundance. A world of carefree laughter and ice creams. A world of witchcraft and wizardry. A world that never ceases to whisper five letters-